Nebeský Mlýn - Brno

Plans to try a new, highly touted restaurant often begin with a sweet mix of hope and expectation. If you are lucky, there is that happy feeling of discovery when the establishment lives up to the hype. There are times, however, when the whole thing ends in bitterness and recrimination.

This was one of those times.

V had heard from friends, family, and no less than the Czech version of Elle magazine that Nebeský Mlýn (Heaven's Mill) was one of the best places to eat in the city of Brno. Maminka had wanted to go there for a long time, and it was her birthday, so off we went. We pulled into the industrial-looking parking lot behind an ugly steel gate, and it didn't look too heavenly.

The inside of the restaurant was much more inviting, with rustic wood beams, a working fireplace, and an actual mill wheel. The wheel had a small trickle of water going over it and was turned by an electric motor.
There were only a few other tables there for lunch, but the service was hellishly slow. It took 15 minutes to get our drinks, more than 30 minutes for the appetizers to come, and the main courses took more than one hour. The whole lunch took more than two hours. For the most part, they were not pleasureable hours.

Then, another bad sign. Nebeský Mlýn had the biggest pepper mill I have ever seen in my life. It looked like it was about one meter tall. My father's friend was a restaurant critic in the New York area and had a theory that the quality of a restaurant is inversely proportional to the size of its pepper mill. Under this formula, I dared not imagine how bad things could get. Aunt L cracked that it looked like a cow inseminator. Nice way to start off the meal.

We ordered a bottle of white wine, Valtické zámecké Rulandské šedé (290 CZK), which was simple, relatively cheap, and good for the price. They also have Pilsner Urquell on tap.

The English-language menu had its share of amusing dish titles: "Drunk old woman" (pork, mushroom, bacon, beer, ketchup) and "chicken meat under a wimple" (chicken, anchovies, tomato, liver). Some wimple.

Before placing our food orders, the waiter brought around two platters. One platter was covered with various uncooked steaks, including a filet from Uruguay, pork tenderloin, veal, and ostrich. The other was covered with very fresh-looking seafood, including a dorade, tuna steak, salmon steak, and fair-sized octopus.

We asked the waiter if the tuna salad on the menu came with raw tuna or cooked.

"Raw."

There was a miscommunication here.

Based on all the fresh fish, there was an expectation of raw, sushi-quality tuna with the salad. Instead, it was a very boring salad, topped with tuna from a can. Uncooked, of course.

These things happen. More than once, it would turn out.

V got escargot, which she said was good, but not hot enough. M got cabbage (sauerkraut) soup, with slices of klobasa. She liked it. I thought it was the sweetest version I had ever tasted. I did not like it, and I love sweet dishes.

I had a half a duck with red and white cabbage, which was very good for 385 CZK. The skin was excellent, very crispy, not too fatty, and the meat was very moist. It came with dumplings and a fried potato stick.

The steaks were expensive, even by Prague standards. There was a T-bone steak for 580 CZK. M got the Uruguayan filet steak (Svíčková) for 582 CZK. It was her birthday, after all. It was very tender and tasty, with a pepper cream sauce. But 582 CZK?

Cousin P got the ostrich steak (368 CZK), which he generally liked, except for the fact that he was not asked how we wanted it cooked. It came medium rare and he wished it was cooked more.

V got the octopus. It was offered as an appetizer, but she asked for it as a main course. When it came, it was a very full, large plate.

"Wow, this is pretty big for an appetizer," she said.

"I don't think that's an appetizer portion," I said. "I think we'll get charged double for that."
This is the octopus after most of it had been eaten.

There was another miscommunication here, and it was much more painful than the first. We weren't paying enough attention, there was a birthday lunch going on. We didn't notice that not all the seafood that was on the platter had prices on the menu. It did not say "market price" or "price per 100g." But the tuna steak, for example, did list a price on the menu of 485 CZK.

After more than two hours, when the bill for the five of us arrived, it came to 3957 CZK. The highlight: V's 800 grams of octopus at 120 CZK per 100 grams. At 960 CZK, it was probably the most expensive single dish she has ever ordered in the Czech Republic.

Some of the food was OK, but nothing too special. The service was just terribly slow. V asked if it normally took this long to get food.

"Oh yes," she was told. The waiter seemed unbothered by the question, as if it demonstrated the kitchen's attention to detail.

It is possible to eat decently here and not break the bank. We felt we ate pretty well, when we finally got our food. But we also felt like our bank had been broken.

So, my questions are these: Did the restaurant take advantage of us or is it our own fault for not paying attention? What do you think?

Whatever the answer is, it is not going to make me feel any better. And because of that, we are never going back to Nebeský Mlýn.

Nebeský Mlýn
Palackého tř.91
Brno - Královo Pole
Tel.: 541 210 221